Mooji

 

week3_flow_0068

In February a dear friend pointed me towards the live Satsangs that were commencing in Rishikesh, India, with Mooji. I had attended a silent retreat of his via live broadcast last year, delighting in his clarity and pointing, however it seemed a ‘one off’ experience. So I was somewhat surprised to find myself, yet again, sitting in a friend’s lounge room watching Mooji, transfixed to the tv screen feeling deeply moved. This first Satsang became one of many as I sat at home each afternoon participating with some 2000 people in Rishikesh, and who knows how many others tuning in around the world.

As the weeks went by, the Satsang questions moved from ‘wisdom’ questions about personal problems or understandings to ‘freedom’ questions for awareness and awakening. After week three the whole mood and energy of the Satsangs changed as a steady flow of people stepped up to the microphone and began following Mooji’s pointings into experiencing the truth of their being.  And here I was, sitting on a cushion on the floor, watching it all on my 13inch Mac screen, feeling as though I too was sitting in Rishikesh, riding the wave home.

Thank you Mooji.

I am never sure where or when the next pointing comes, or what piece it plays in the  experience of evolving with Awareness. Perhaps it is in retrospect I am able to allow the mind to provide a story of ‘this goes with that’ speculation. As always, I am deeply grateful for the pointings, noticing more and more everything is a pointing, and for the wonderful beings that play their part, some of whom I’m lucky enough to call friends.

Mx

ps… if you’d like to watch some of the recently recorded Satsangs with Mooji in Rishikesh,  you can find many of them here on his YouTube channel. Enjoy!

Image courtesy of Photos with Mooji

 

Presence Process

Integration-The-Presence-Process

For the past six months I have been moving with a process called The Presence Process by Michael Brown. It’s a 10 week program that is simple, and accessed by simply buying a book. Yes… that’s it! No courses, workshops or retreats to attend. No huge dent in your bank balance. Just a $20 book. I love the feeling of integrity and self-empowerment of this.

The Presence Process was recommended to me by a friend late last year. I bought the book, read it, and started the first 10 week cycle. It is recommended to do it thrice.

What began as a simple application of breath, meditation, mindfulness, and a few tools to process the uncomfortable arisings, evolved into a deep delve into physical, mental and emotional territory long forgotten and hidden from current view.

I don’t feel to share the details, as I believe everyone’s journey is unique and specific to their own life’s experience, however, I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in awareness, and the integration of patterns and imprints we all tend to accumulate from life’s journey. And before you dismiss it and say “Oh I’ve done all that!” (which is what I thought too), check in and see if there isn’t a deeper pull to take a look. You may be surprised, as I was, to find what’s been hidden away all this time while you’ve diligently been sorting out ‘the me’ on this ‘spiritual’ journey.

If you’d like to know more, I suggest taking a look at Michael’s website here, and/or purchasing the book. I alway use the Book Depository as they offer free delivery. Michael suggests reading the book, even if you don’t do the process, as it provides a wonderful enquiry for taking a good look at some patterns that may still be ‘running’ the show.

Mx

what now?

IMG_1971
effortless tension (wip) – melinda blair paterson – acrylic on canvas – 2016

The stats show it’s been eight months since I was last active on this blog. Where did that time go? What happened? The mind struggles to find a reference point. Past timeframes seem to quickly slip away these days, like an outgoing tide.

One thing I can remember is a few months ago I realised I was creating a lot of suffering for myself around the question – What the @#%& am I doing with my life? This question had been taunting me for too long, to the point where I realised it was not only boring myself, but probably all those that had ever bothered to listen. God bless them!

Interestingly,  once the suffering was seen and acknowledged the question like mist evaporated and morphed into – What next? This played itself out for a week or two until I realised it wasn’t sitting comfortably in my body. When I felt into it there was a pulling sensation that was drawing my attention out of the body always leading to an idea of an object or a future timeframe. Again, once seen and acknowledged the question dissolved and morphed into – What now?

Simultaneously the suffering evaporated, relief was felt in the body, and an allowing space of inner contentment and joy quietly made itself known. A few weeks have now passed. The question is still held lightly as I go about my day. There is little planning it seems, with a freedom to respond to whatever the day asks. Little or no disturbance when unexpected twists and turns take form, while the mind’s expectations effortlessly fall away.

I’ve had a few opportunities come towards me which the mind loves to make into a story: This must be the answer to my question, and subsequently very nearly entered into some new endeavours; only to hear myself say: No thank you, and decline the invitation at the last moment.

So here I sit… watching and gently inquiring – What now?, waiting and quietly responding in the moment, and occasionally picking up the paint brush to play. 🙂

Mx

living with sadness

IMG_1896
Image courtesy of Maria Wilson

Without announcement or bothering to knock, she sneaks in, lying beneath cushions where I sit, or below the floor where I walk. Her breathing is just loud enough to let me know she’s here again. Sometimes she even bashes on my heart, grips my throat, or tears at my jaw inflicting enough suffering to have me imploring: I just want to know the truth.

Sure there is an initial impulse to run from her, however these days, this is usually followed by a turning, a looking, a nudging, back onto the viewing platform.

I watch myself hopelessly wonder one moment if she will ever leave, only to observe in the next that I am quietly singing while cutting up fruit.  Where is the sadness now? I ask myself.  What was so sad this morning? 

Memories from my childhood and youth abound… Flashes…. Thoughts…. Feelings… out of nowhere. It feels like a shock each time they appear.  Why now? Haven’t I dealt with these concerns years ago? However it becomes obvious they have no intention on stopping, so I encourage myself to relax and breathe.  I’m here, I’m listening, tell me what you need to say, I’m not going anywhere.

I’m finding seeing my psychologist again is self-loving and insightful, in particular, where the feelings are felt both within and surrounding the body. Her somatic work and presence feels deeply supportive. At the last session I became aware of feeling ‘I am nothing’, with a deep deep push for desperately trying to know the truth in a way that is perhaps obsessive. The ‘nothing’ did not feel joyful but rather exhausting. I’m not sure what it all means. I’m just going with what somatically arises in the sessions and am not wishing to spiritualise too much. As I said, the main question and longing is: I just want to know the truth.

And I feel I have no idea how to find the answer, and the heart aches again. What is this driving within? Is it the mind? I have been told that this cannot be worked out by the mind and I have even tried stepping away from ‘trying’ to work it out. And yet, like my art practice, it returns, again and again. The wanting to know.

Mx

Note: found this draft post written a few months ago and felt to share it anyway. 🙂

 

the purge

the purge - melinda blair paterson - 2015

It would appear the body needed a 24 hour purge. (I’ll spare you the details.) And yet, right there, right in the middle of it was the experience: if I follow thought, the pain and discomfort increases, and if I relax and rest back from thought, it eases. And so it went, back and forth like ping pong, watching the cramps increase and then fall away. Fascinating!

Shifting in and out of sleep. Crow medicine was clearly heard at one stage, screeching through the body, sweeping out the darker corners of resistance. Resting into the sound and giving thanks. Later a storm is passing. Lightening lights up the bed, whilst thunderous rain bashes its way past like an impatient shopper on route to that much wanted bargain. Sleep, sleep, the body just wanted sleep.

In the early hours of the morning a peace descended, both within and without. The body felt weak but strong. The being felt clear and grateful. The crows continue their healing cries: wake up, get up, live!

Mx

about today

Melinda Blair Paterson

There’s nothing unusual about today,
yes I have a head cold
and the farmer’s market
like any other Friday.

There’s nothing unusual in this day,
watched a movie
and texts of care from friends
like every other day.

So why am I suddenly on my knees,
howling like a child
hands beating chest
begging to be broken?

Why are the tears followed by rage,
primal sounds
flashes of faces
crying to be taken?

“Pleeeeease”
passes through
yet there is no need
anymore.

The tears desist
the nose blows
the body rises
from the floor.

You see… there’s nothing unusual about today.

nothing different

  

Walking across the grass

the moment of knowing arrives

as natural as taking the step.

There is no difference

between being solo or with other,

it’s all the same.

And the delight this knowing brings

follows effortlessly as silent joy

smiling within.

Mx