|Like children… we all want to see what’s inside!|
It’s been a week or so since my last post…Ummm. What can I say? I forgot (which is true), I didn’t think anyone would even find this blog (which apparent is not true), and even if they did find it they would probably hit the ‘get me out of here’ delete button or back arrow faster than you can poke a stick at it! (as my mother would say). Also, apparently NOT true!.
Why?… because tonight I sat down and turned off the telly (cause I just can’t stand it anymore), and watched that ‘thing’ inside me pick up the laptop, connect to the internet and open this blog. OMG… someone left a comment! Shit… what do I do?
STOP… Breathe… Laugh. (thought arises “maybe I had better check my email address for this blog”). OMG… people have been writing me emails for the past week and I had no idea! Instant mixture of joy, overwhelm and shock. So thank you, thank you , thank you to all that have taken the time to make a comment, email me and share yourselves… or whatever it is that we are not! I am deeply touched.
In the last post I was wishing I was a mermaid. Well that has continued as I venture into the cold currents along our Byron Bay shoreline at this time of year, however, there has been a lightness feature in my being this week and I’m not really sure why. I was certainly having a torturous time last week to the point where, yet again, I was in the fetal position on my bed feeling the absolute ‘pointlessness’ of every thought, idea or belief the mind could muster and ‘so called’ throw at me. It’s in these moments (and thankfully they are few and far between) I have enough inner wisdom and learning to know to just relax, breathe, embrace, surrender and it does pass. Moments later I am up, doing dishes, getting breakfast and heading out the door for my morning walk and ocean dip. It’s a weird life I live that’s for sure… and certainly not for the faint hearted. I mean, you have to be some kinda Weird Warrior to ride the wave of thoughts and subsequent emotions that occur on this journey of awakening… which is going nowhere. I mean… how many people in their right mind would sign up for a journey going nowhere? And yet here I am, and if you are reading this, here you are too!
So a couple of days later… having emerged from the fetal position and catching my breath till the next dip into awareness oblivion, a friend of mine suggests I listen to the Balanced View teachings. Have you heard of them? I have actually found them quiet helpful. The founder, Candice, is American, lives in Northern California and they have centres in India and Sweden. They offer a training program called Balanced View and have all sorts of material you can download for free on their website. Anyway… my friend gave me a whole bunch of downloads and I started to listen. What did I hear Candice say? Rest! Just Rest!
At first I was like… what does she mean ‘just rest’? Does she mean lay down, take a nap, take a deep breath? Then somewhere, sometime in the listening, I got it… I just felt the internal world shift… and I relaxed. Ahhhhhh. I have no idea if this is just a momentary thing… or perhaps a day or two… or more. I’ll keep you posted. What I have noticed is an inner calm and an openness. It’s seems too simple. Hmmmm… let’s see? Mx
ps A big thanks to Jerry Katz of nonduality.com for kindly featuring my blog in his recent newsletter. It seems that’s how most of you guys found me. X