|image by melinda blair paterson|
I came up from the wave and heard the water falling from my body. It was as if I had never heard this sound before. I mean… I swim in the ocean all year round and delight in diving under the waves to feel the cold water over my head, only to resurface amongst the bubbles of the backwash squealing in childish joy. I tell myself I am swimming in champagne!
Then the mind steps in… I must know this sound of water falling from my body!… yet it’s like I’ve never heard it before. The sound was so intense, magnified, and new. Then there was a noticing that every sound was somehow magnified and new. The waves, the birds, the wind, and the movement of my body was all in perfect chorus. I laughed in abandon … a fleeting moment of experience… and the mind steps in… don’t get attached Melinda!.
I had been aware for a few days prior of a building sense of quiet or calm. I even spent some time with Kathy and watched how my mind spun out afterwards exhausting me… and yet something else… deeper, quiet, still was present. I wrote to Kathy asking if I could see her again and shared my recent experience in the ocean. I assured her I wasn’t chasing anything but was feeling drawn to spend more time together. She replied:
You are just fine as it is. The noticing that you need to rest is just
that the mind hasn’t been met with engaging. It doesn’t know what to
do with it.
Stay with the tears and softness.
Wanting to see me again is also chasing an experience. This has
nothing to do with a ‘me’. Watch the mind spin another story how
something other than ‘now’ will be of benefit to a ‘Melinda’.
Don’t do anything and sit with every feeling with disinterest. Nothing
more than that.
You are not experiencing more levels of presence. The ‘you’ thought is
not there when what you really are is Present.
Presence never comes and goes.
Thanks Kathy… it’s always loving to hear truth. Mx