what is this?

what is this?… answer at the bottom of the blog 🙂2015/01/img_1570.jpg

I grew up in Adelaide, South Australia, awoken each morning by my father’s radio blaring the 5AD program called ‘Baz and Pilko’ throughout the house. Every day they would have this competition of ‘Guess the sound’ in which listeners could phone in with their answers. There were dollars to be won, so it was very popular, and the prize would jackpot each day if not solved. The sound was always incredibly obscure, and yet obvious, once you knew what it was. So in the interest of making some ‘easy money’ I spent most of my childhood listening to this morning program wondering… ‘what is this?’

Today I awake most mornings to the sounds of nature in the form of birds, insects, wind, or rain. It’s what I call the ‘silence of nature’. I love it. Some mornings I feel drawn to sit in meditation, and it was one such morning recently that I felt the words arise, ‘what is this?’. The question took me off guard because I didn’t believe I had heard it before, or at least not with the feeling and resonance of my being that seemed to accompany it. I knew it wasn’t a question coming from the mind.

As I sat with the question I was aware of the ‘silence of nature’ that surrounded me. I was also aware of the sensations of my breath, body and what I was sitting on, and yet I knew the question was pointing beyond. I waited. There it came again… ‘what is this?’ I knew then that the mind was not going to be able to work this one out. You see… there was no sound or sensation that met the question, as the answer was closer than close, more obvious than imagined, and vibrating with silence.

The weeks went by and I forgot about the question until one day I was sitting with a new friend and she was sharing her experience of awakening. She said, in the moment when the bottom fell out of the barrel, as she described it, the question arose in her awareness – what is this?.

There it was, the same question, Awareness asking itself.

And the answer to date is – Silence.

Mx

Answer to image: a frosted glass window, with a red plastic rain poncho hanging upside down outside on my verandah. Did you guess right? Sorry no prize money. 🙂

aperture opening

. . . there is no desire to go anywhere else.
You could say it has my complete attention.

2015/01/img_1567.jpgimage by melinda blair paterson

I’m not sure when or how it started to happen, if it can even be said there was a ‘starting’. Certainly there have been moments over the years I have called ‘glimpses’. Perhaps it was sometime towards the end of last year? Anyway, I’ve become aware the glimpses are now different, lasting longer and certainly more impacting. I’m now calling this experiencing ‘aperture opening’.

I’m also aware that even though the aperture has opened, and after a time seemed to close, it never goes back to what it has been before. By that I mean, the knowing of awareness, the truth of who I am, and the reality of life has subtly and irreversibly changed.

For example, I was laying on my couch a few weeks ago talking to my partner one evening on the mobile when the aperture opened. I first noticed it in my experience of seeing. I became aware that my foot was not ‘my’ foot, but rather the same as the cushion on which it rested, and then equally the couch. What do I mean by this? Well it’s a bit hard to explain, other than the sense or awareness of the experience was one of no separation between the ‘me-Melinda’, and her environment. Another way of saying this is. . . there was no ‘me’, just a series of shapes, colours, and senses. I was still able to have a conversation with my partner, in fact, I was relaying to him what was being experienced, and it was very clear that I had done absolutely nothing to create the experience. It just happened. There was also what can best be described as a sort of ‘download’ of knowing. I knew the answer to everything that was needed to know in that moment. Complete clarity was present. The experience lasted for up to an hour during the call and then I felt it was time to go to bed and rest.

Another time I was departing from my home in the car, which involves driving up a step hill to the main road. As I alighted the hill my vision was filled with the blue of the sky and the most magnificent huge white cumulonimbus storm cloud hanging within it. For what must have been a few seconds the ‘me-Melinda’ disappeared and awareness became the cloud. When attention came back to the driving of the car I knew the aperture had opened, and the drive from my home to my friend through the countryside was filled with exquisite delight in the seeing.

It’s also important to note that the aperture opening hasn’t only been in moments of rest or wonder. I was in town recently and my car was parked in by a truck. My partner wanted me to try and reverse the car out in a way that I felt was unsafe. He offered his help a few times. I said “No” in a rather strong way and felt the trigger. . . anger and resistance arose!

We waited, and waited for the truck driver. During the waiting I was immediately aware of the trigger and the pain in my heart. I took all of my attention into it, and there, right in the middle or at the depth of the pain, was LOVE. And I knew then that the aperture was open even in the midst of what seemed like a closed heart in emotional pain.

About an hour after this event I was sitting at home reflecting on the experience and was shown in some sort of visual replay that every person, object, moment and breath was connected;  and it had all been perfectly executed. There was no mistake by the truck driver, my partner, myself or anyone/anything else that had played a part. . . it was beyond perfection.

Of course there are other moments too, each one revealing a little more, like a series of veils slowly being peeled away to expose the truth of reality. And in these moments, I feel like a child that has been let into the biggest best toy store ever, and more. Everything looks and feels is so amazing, interesting, fascinating, colourful, beautiful. . . and full of LOVE. And there is no desire to go anywhere else. You could say it has my complete attention.

Mx

transfer

This blog originated on the Blogger platform in July 2012. The intention was, and still is, to share my thoughts and experiences of waking up (if I can be so bold to assume that’s happening) and interact with people experiencing the same.

transfer - Melinda Blair Paterson

Nearly two years later with no followers, (sorry I lie, there is one and I am deeply grateful to him) I find myself prompted by a friend to start the Blogging 101 online course with WordPress. Don’t get me wrong, and this is going to sound silly, but I really didn’t mind my blog being somewhat invisible. It gave me a sense of freedom to just write when I felt prompted and for my own pleasure. Now I’m feeling a bit braver and have a yearning to connect with people who are interested in non duality, awareness, awakening and truth.

When I was transferring this blog over this week I had to go back through each post and put in the Tags (it’s part of the back-end of WordPress blogging). This meant I also had to read every old post and find the key words and phrases. This exercise opened my eyes to where my perspective was nearly two years ago, and is now. I can see these writings/postings have become a kind of journal, a record, of my questioning and experiencing whilst walking the ‘waking up in Byron’ journey. I felt a quiet warmth in my heart about that, and I wish to acknowledge some of the people that have made this journey to date so rich, including: my dear friend Kathy, non duality teachers Rupert Spira and Adyashanti, Miriam Louisa Simons and her amazing blogs – the awakened eye, this unlit light, wondering mind studio and echoes from emptiness, and dearest to my heart, my partner – Alistair McKinnon.

I hope if you find your way here that you will join me and share your perspectives and experiencing also. I’d love that. 🙂

Cheers Mx

melinda blair paterson