The surfer knows, as the wave crests and collapses into itself,
he must surrender, to be delivered to the surface for the next breath of life.
Anxiety, when it comes, wraps itself around like an incolsolable child clinging to its parent… suffocating, demanding and exhausting.
Totally aware when it is happening and yet there seems no control or power as to when it arrives, how long it stays, and when its departure is due. I’ve learnt over the years to deny it, speak of it.. and not, nuture it, watch it, breath through it, sit with it, and these days… allow it.
And please don’t think the ‘allowing’ makes it any easier, because it doesn’t. It just seems to create space for gaps, a breath of Awareness, whilst anxiety is having its play with a ‘me’.
Sometimes the excruciating pain of the mental turmoil is all that is known in the moment, as one dark or irrational thought/image after another is ridden like a surfer on a wave that seems sure to deliver his end. The surfer knows as the wave crests and collapses into itself, he must surrender, to be delivered to the surface for the next breath of life.
And so the surrender, the allowing of its presence, and the uncomfortable experience is accepted and played out. The door is opened, the visitor is welcomed, and never asked to leave.
I can tell you one thing. When so called ‘anxiety’ is having its play and the so called ‘mental pain’ is at its worst and being fully experienced, there is no ‘me’. There is only the experience. There is only Awareness.
Our Self, the light of pure Knowing, is completely empty and, at the same time, the substance out of which the fullness of all experience is made. Rupert Spira