done

Image by Melinda Blair Paterson
verandah morning contemplation – image by MelindaBlairPaterson (Instagram)

 

Do you ever have those moments in life when you feel ‘done’? I don’t mean from an exhausted place but rather an awareness of whatever has been happening in your life, however you’ve been playing the game… it’s over. You just can’t do it any longer. You can feel the turning of the tide and a quiet knowing appears that informs you… life with this person, place or event won’t look or interact the same from now on.

I’ve experienced this recently with some friends. Friends that I’ve had a long and close relationship with for years, and then one day I hang up the phone, or walk away from the connection and it’s there…. that feeling… the knowing. I call it ‘done’.

Interestingly it doesn’t always mean the relationship is ended.

Yes in the past I would say that would be true, but now it appears as a different expression. I notice that there may be a gap, a period of time, some space is created between the ‘done’ and next moment of meeting. For all intents and purposes it may look much like the past, yet I am acutely aware it feels different. The energy, patterns of interaction, and conversation is spacious, the triggers of past are gone… vamoose… as if they never existed, and there is little if any feeling of separation. Instead a love is present. A rested interest in the other and no need for anything here.

I have absolutely no idea how the ‘done’ moment is crafted and created. I don’t feel I have any say. I’m just aware when it arrives and I’ve learnt to stay curious and open to what may appear next.  Mx

dreaming doodles

as seen in dreaming - 15Mar15 - pen and pencil - melinda blair paterson
as seen in dreaming – 15Mar15 – pen and pencil – melinda blair paterson

I’m awake in dreaming,

in the joy of creating doodles.

An infinity symbol appears.

Why am I dreaming about doodling?

Oh that shape, that colour.  How will I draw that?

What a curious experience?

I’m awake, I’m dreaming, and creating.

All in the same moment.

Mx

the black line

The breath is heavy, the arms are weak, the legs are struggling to keep up with their leading counterparts, and the mind is bouncing from breath to arms to legs to….

follow that black line… just keep following the black line.

Then in less than a gasp all thoughts dissolve, weighty physicality disappears and awareness shines on the effortless rhythmic experience of…

breath in

breath out

swinging arms

kicking legs

beautiful sunshine

warm blue water

and joy… yes joy, as the body slips into its natural rhythm.

The moment lasts for maybe half a lap until the wall signals the end of another… what number is that?

Pause, take a breath, turn, push off and it’s a change of stroke. Breast stroke. A childhood favourite. A chance to take in the scenery, enjoy the sunshine, stretch the body in full length as arms glide out in front, and legs kick back behind like a frog making its way across a pond.

Swimming twenty or so laps has become a thrice weekly ritual of late. It’s a great all rounder in exercise and a life-line when morning melancholy is lurking in the shallows.

What a blessing to have this fifty metre outdoor pool just ten minutes from home. What a blessing to enjoy the sensual pleasure of slipping into warm water and heading down a lane with a black line in sight, until it can’t be remembered how many laps have been travelled. What a blessing to have the lurking of melancholy to motivate the movement to this beautiful pool, amongst friendly folks, that also love this morning ritual. Mx

Image: Mullumbimby Pool on Instagram at MelindaBlairPaterson