It’s a curious thing ‘purpose’? Apparently it is only in recent times the concept of purpose, life’s purpose, meaningful work, bringing our gift to the world (need I go on) etc, has been introduced to our modern culture; and subsequently sold a lot of books, tapes (yes I remember those), cds, dvds, workshops and private consultations to us all. I found out this week in a clever and entertaining video called ‘How to find fulfilling work’, that before the industrial revolution there were approximately 2,000 trades available, now there is some half a million to choose from. This alone must create a sense of anxiety and stress for people today.
I remember when I went to see the ‘career counsellor’ in my final year of high school. She asked what I wanted to do after leaving school, to which I confidently announced: Travel, Fashion or Advertising. She laughed and said condescendingly, ‘good luck’. If my memory serves me right she offered: Nursing or Secretarial, neither of which were exciting or glamorous to my young mind and heart at the time. Her lack of encouragement only served to fuel my ambition. It took another seven years to experience all three industries, before realising none were ‘glamorous’. The pull of the spiritual path had begun. Ironically, I did end up completing secretarial and computer studies to become a top flight PA for over ten years, evolving into a project manager before leaving the corporate world, burnt out and disillusioned. The call of the spiritual path was well and truly ringing loud in my ears by now.
Ah yes… the spiritual path… ‘really’ living the experience of seeking, especially seeking one’s purpose in life, which took the expression here of vibrational healer, light worker, and spiritual artist before collapsing into nothing. My new career path became – Nothing. It’s been about five years now. I’ve watched as ideas of doing have come and gone, dabbling here and there dissolve, and even pushing into new working frontiers wobble and collapse.
In recent days I’ve felt and heard myself say to friends: I’m ready to start working again. I’m noticing a sense of expansion and strength in my body. I’ve taken up swimming, socialising more, and am back at the desk drawing or writing most days. I have absolutely no idea what the ‘work’ will be? Maybe it’s just another arising of an idea or feeling that will fade and disappear like so many others have in the past? Or maybe something will form long enough for expression into the world to occur? What I am aware of is there can’t be any sense of ‘push’ anymore. It’s like that is an ancient, out of date, way of being. And so I wait, I swim, and I doodle.
Some days I feel like that character of ‘Dory’ in the movie Nemo, as I hear her say… “just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” It makes me smile and gives an answer to the mind that is always wanting to know what it is I am supposed to be doing with my life? And yes there are days when I envy loved ones that appear to be ‘on purpose’ working at their dreams. Yet when I remember to relax, rest back, gaze into nature, and allow the moment to be as it is, there is a deep sense of peace and spaciousness. All is well, waiting in nothing. Mx