It would appear the body needed a 24 hour purge. (I’ll spare you the details.) And yet, right there, right in the middle of it was the experience: if I follow thought, the pain and discomfort increases, and if I relax and rest back from thought, it eases. And so it went, back and forth like ping pong, watching the cramps increase and then fall away. Fascinating!
Shifting in and out of sleep. Crow medicine was clearly heard at one stage, screeching through the body, sweeping out the darker corners of resistance. Resting into the sound and giving thanks. Later a storm is passing. Lightening lights up the bed, whilst thunderous rain bashes its way past like an impatient shopper on route to that much wanted bargain. Sleep, sleep, the body just wanted sleep.
In the early hours of the morning a peace descended, both within and without. The body felt weak but strong. The being felt clear and grateful. The crows continue their healing cries: wake up, get up, live!
It’s a curious thing ‘purpose’? Apparently it is only in recent times the concept of purpose, life’s purpose, meaningful work, bringing our gift to the world (need I go on) etc, has been introduced to our modern culture; and subsequently sold a lot of books, tapes (yes I remember those), cds, dvds, workshops and private consultations to us all. I found out this week in a clever and entertaining video called ‘How to find fulfilling work’, that before the industrial revolution there were approximately 2,000 trades available, now there is some half a million to choose from. This alone must create a sense of anxiety and stress for people today.
I remember when I went to see the ‘career counsellor’ in my final year of high school. She asked what I wanted to do after leaving school, to which I confidently announced: Travel, Fashion or Advertising. She laughed and said condescendingly, ‘good luck’. If my memory serves me right she offered: Nursing or Secretarial, neither of which were exciting or glamorous to my young mind and heart at the time. Her lack of encouragement only served to fuel my ambition. It took another seven years to experience all three industries, before realising none were ‘glamorous’. The pull of the spiritual path had begun. Ironically, I did end up completing secretarial and computer studies to become a top flight PA for over ten years, evolving into a project manager before leaving the corporate world, burnt out and disillusioned. The call of the spiritual path was well and truly ringing loud in my ears by now.
Ah yes… the spiritual path… ‘really’ living the experience of seeking, especially seeking one’s purpose in life, which took the expression here of vibrational healer, light worker, and spiritual artist before collapsing into nothing. My new career path became – Nothing. It’s been about five years now. I’ve watched as ideas of doing have come and gone, dabbling here and there dissolve, and even pushing into new working frontiers wobble and collapse.
In recent days I’ve felt and heard myself say to friends: I’m ready to start working again. I’m noticing a sense of expansion and strength in my body. I’ve taken up swimming, socialising more, and am back at the desk drawing or writing most days. I have absolutely no idea what the ‘work’ will be? Maybe it’s just another arising of an idea or feeling that will fade and disappear like so many others have in the past? Or maybe something will form long enough for expression into the world to occur? What I am aware of is there can’t be any sense of ‘push’ anymore. It’s like that is an ancient, out of date, way of being. And so I wait, I swim, and I doodle.
Some days I feel like that character of ‘Dory’ in the movie Nemo, as I hear her say… “just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” It makes me smile and gives an answer to the mind that is always wanting to know what it is I am supposed to be doing with my life? And yes there are days when I envy loved ones that appear to be ‘on purpose’ working at their dreams. Yet when I remember to relax, rest back, gaze into nature, and allow the moment to be as it is, there is a deep sense of peace and spaciousness. All is well, waiting in nothing. Mx
Coming home and seeing a snake hanging around… literally, is a great way to experience being ALIVE! Everything switches on doesn’t it? The mind, body, and awareness all collide and collapse into the moment of now.
I’d been away for a few days and my friend (a curious and harmless tree snake) had moved into my patch whist I’d been travelling. Here in Australia we have a number of poisonous and deadly snakes, so from a young age we are educated to approach all snakes with caution. In fact we are taught not to approach them at all, but rather back away slowly and let the creature have ‘right-of-way’. So when I found this fellow between myself and the front door my assessing of the situation came at lightening speed; i.e. probably, hopefully, prayerfully, it was ok for me to quickly pass and get inside. (Note… I did place my bag between my body and the snake just in case I was wrong in my educated guess of it being a tree snake.)
Once inside I realised my heart was pounding and the adrenalin had amped up to such a level I just had to jump around and shake myself a bit to settle somewhat, and I couldn’t stop laughing and squealing, it really was the most delightful experience. I decided to poke my nose out the door and see if the snake was still around. Sure enough, still hanging there on the wire. So suddenly I went from flight to fight…. well curiosity actually, and stepped out with my iPhone to take a photo. I mean it was so beautifully curled around the wire and such a glorious shade of green. I quietly stepped closer and closer. The snake lifted its head towards me, seemingly equally curious to know who I was. We had our moment… gazing at each other, the shot was taken, and then the snake effortless unwound itself and headed up onto the roof.
OMG… how alive is that!
In recent weeks I’ve found a letting go or lack of interest in speaking about or listening to non-duality teachings. What use to be a huge source of ‘hunger’ for many years has quietly and unsuspectingly been replaced with a sense of ‘enough’. There’s no residue in the change. No lingering thought or sensation wishing it was different, or missing how it use to be, but rather like the snake, something else has moved in when the ‘me’ had gone away for a few days.
What appears to be here now is a keen interest in the Alive-ness of life. It feels extraordinarily simple. There is no longer any need of books to read, teacher to listen to, or spiritual conversation to be had… but rather just being with whatever shows up in the day in a kind of fascination. Awareness and Aliveness appear to be one and the same. Mx
Do you ever have those moments in life when you feel ‘done’? I don’t mean from an exhausted place but rather an awareness of whatever has been happening in your life, however you’ve been playing the game… it’s over. You just can’t do it any longer. You can feel the turning of the tide and a quiet knowing appears that informs you… life with this person, place or event won’t look or interact the same from now on.
I’ve experienced this recently with some friends. Friends that I’ve had a long and close relationship with for years, and then one day I hang up the phone, or walk away from the connection and it’s there…. that feeling… the knowing. I call it ‘done’.
Interestingly it doesn’t always mean the relationship is ended.
Yes in the past I would say that would be true, but now it appears as a different expression. I notice that there may be a gap, a period of time, some space is created between the ‘done’ and next moment of meeting. For all intents and purposes it may look much like the past, yet I am acutely aware it feels different. The energy, patterns of interaction, and conversation is spacious, the triggers of past are gone… vamoose… as if they never existed, and there is little if any feeling of separation. Instead a love is present. A rested interest in the other and no need for anything here.
I have absolutely no idea how the ‘done’ moment is crafted and created. I don’t feel I have any say. I’m just aware when it arrives and I’ve learnt to stay curious and open to what may appear next. Mx