there is relief

There is relief in a glimpse of blue sky

whilst wandering through grass of open fields

and picking up feathers along the way.

There is relief standing with still creek water

feeling the crack of falling branches

whilst others remain entwined like lovers reaching for the light.

There is relief.



what is this?

what is this?… answer at the bottom of the blog 🙂2015/01/img_1570.jpg

I grew up in Adelaide, South Australia, awoken each morning by my father’s radio blaring the 5AD program called ‘Baz and Pilko’ throughout the house. Every day they would have this competition of ‘Guess the sound’ in which listeners could phone in with their answers. There were dollars to be won, so it was very popular, and the prize would jackpot each day if not solved. The sound was always incredibly obscure, and yet obvious, once you knew what it was. So in the interest of making some ‘easy money’ I spent most of my childhood listening to this morning program wondering… ‘what is this?’

Today I awake most mornings to the sounds of nature in the form of birds, insects, wind, or rain. It’s what I call the ‘silence of nature’. I love it. Some mornings I feel drawn to sit in meditation, and it was one such morning recently that I felt the words arise, ‘what is this?’. The question took me off guard because I didn’t believe I had heard it before, or at least not with the feeling and resonance of my being that seemed to accompany it. I knew it wasn’t a question coming from the mind.

As I sat with the question I was aware of the ‘silence of nature’ that surrounded me. I was also aware of the sensations of my breath, body and what I was sitting on, and yet I knew the question was pointing beyond. I waited. There it came again… ‘what is this?’ I knew then that the mind was not going to be able to work this one out. You see… there was no sound or sensation that met the question, as the answer was closer than close, more obvious than imagined, and vibrating with silence.

The weeks went by and I forgot about the question until one day I was sitting with a new friend and she was sharing her experience of awakening. She said, in the moment when the bottom fell out of the barrel, as she described it, the question arose in her awareness – what is this?.

There it was, the same question, Awareness asking itself.

And the answer to date is – Silence.


Answer to image: a frosted glass window, with a red plastic rain poncho hanging upside down outside on my verandah. Did you guess right? Sorry no prize money. 🙂

It’s a Yellow Day…

image: detail from artwork by Colleen DaRosa

I woke up this morning with images of yellow paintings stalking my thoughts. Only the corners of paintings mind you… a peculiar phenomenon. I’m an artist, and at the moment I am back in the studio playing with paint again. I went to art school a few years ago and came out of it with lots of great technical info but also lots of concepts. Prior to art school I called myself an intuitive artist. I use to paint people’s Soul Essence, whereby, I believed I was able to tune into a client’s soul and express this on canvas in an abstact way. It was just where I was at… at that time. I did this quite successfully for about three years before attending art school. Since leaving art school I have really struggled with my artistic expression. Whenever I approached the canvas and made marks all I could hear were my teachers in my head. I felt I had lost my artistic intutitive or authentic place within, subsequently I choose to put the brush down and just wait… wait for the voices to subside… wait for an authentic place or movement towards the canvas to arise… wait for inspiration!

About two weeks ago I picked up the brush…  and I also started jogging. Finally there was some movement at the station after months of depression, anxiety, ‘couch potato’ and an expanding waistline. In this time I have watched a lot of things fall away… beliefs, concepts, interests, friends… but I have refused to let go of chocolate!  During my period of abstinence… painting not chocolate… I started to explore this idea ‘what would ‘Void, Stillness or Silence’ look like on the canvas?‘ Initially I approached this like art school. I did my research on the internet, cut out images, read art magazines and non duality books, did some sketches, kept a journal… which all came to a pretty disappointing end. Again, I put it all away and just waited eating chocolate. Months went by. Finally the day arrived. I got up… I went for a jog… and in the afternoon I went into the studio. My first couple of canvases have been pretty bad… doing what was familiar… crosses… I’ve always had an obsession with crosses. It’s one of the first symbols I ever painted and turns up again and again in my work. I thought ‘oh no, not this again!’ and wondered if I needed to put the brush back down. However, over the next few mornings I began to see corners of paintings in my mind just on awakening… and I mean corners. I was seeing corners of colour in the corner of a canvas. I ignored it for a few days and kept on with my bad paintings and crosses…. working, reworking, overworking… until in frustration I painted the corner thingy. Stepping back from the canvas I watched within and realised… for now it speaks to me!

So at the moment I am experimenting with paintings that have corners of colour. Perhaps this may lead to a representation of ‘Void, Silence, Stillness.’ Yes I know… it’s still a concept, but hey… it speaks to me for now.  What do they look like you may ask? Pretty blank… colour… minimalist. I heard Adyashanti in his radio broadcast yesterday say “When you believe with every fibre of your being that content (thoughts) are untrue… it all falls away.” Hmmm maybe that’s what is happening on the canvas also? M x